6 Feet Down Under

Aussie Slang

I’m hungry: 

“I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper’s undies.”

“I could eat the horse and chase the jockey.”

“So hungry I’d eat a shit sandwich, only I don’t like bread.”

“I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair.”

“So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck.” 

I’m thirsty: 

“I’m dry as a dead dingo’s donger.”

“I’m drier than a nuns nasty.”

“I’m dry as a f**k with no foreplay.”

“I’m as dry as a pommie’s bath mat.”

“I’m as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards.”

“I’m drier than an Arab’s fart.” 

I need to go for a pee: 

“Gonna drain me dragon.”

“My back teeth are floating.”

“Need to syphon the python.”

“Takin’ the kids to the pool.”

“I got to take a snakes hiss.”

“Gotta go have a slash.”

“Gonna go water a horse.”

“I’m off to drain the main vein.”

“Time to splatter the bladder.”

“I’m dying for a piss ! so bad I can taste it.”

“Shake hands with the wife’s best friend.” 

I need to do a poo: 

“I gotta go give birth to a Kiwi.”

“I’m takin’ a stroll to the gravy bowl.”

“It was like giving birth to Kim Beasly.”

“Off to the bog to leave an offering.”

“Time to snap off a grogan.”

“Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave.”

“I’m gonna strangle a brownie.”

“There’s a brown dog barking at the back door.”

“I’m going to give birth to your twin.”

“Need to choke a brown dog.”

“I’ve freed Nelson Mandela.”

“Going for a Rodney.”

“Taking out the garbage.”

“I gotta back one out.”

“Release the Chocolate hostage”

“I gotta lay some cables for telstra” 

Vomit: 

“Calling for George.”

“I was driving the porcelain bus this morning.”

“I left him a lawn pizza.”

“Toss a tiger on the carpet.”

“Gotta go Ralph” 

Insults: 

“I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders.”

“Not enough brains to giv! e ‘imself a headache!”

“About as useful as tits on a bull.”

“You must be the world’s only living brain donor.”

“He’s a few wanks short of an orgasm.”

“She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard.”

“He had a head on him like a sucked mango.”

“May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.”

“He’s got a few roos loose in the top paddock.”

“So stupid that he wouldn’t know a tram was up him ’til the bell rang!”

“Couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery.”

Pull your lip over your head and swallow!”

“As ugly as a hat full of arseholes.”

“If I had a dog that looked like him, I’d shave it’s arse and make it walk backwards.”

“Got a face like a bashed in shit can.”

“Couldn’t tell his ass from a hole in the ground.”

“Couldn’t drive a greasy stick up a dog’s arse.”

“Couldn’t organise a f**k in a brothel with a fist full of fifties.”

“About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition.”

“I’ll kick your! bum till your nose bleeds!”

“A stubbie short of a six pack.”

“Seen better heads in a piss trough.”

“You’re as handy as shit on a stick.”

“Tighter than a fish’s arse.”

“So tight that he wouldn’t shout if a shark bit him.”

“Face like a smashed crab.”

“As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.”

“He could talk a dog off a meatwagon.”

“F**ked in the head.”

“You’ve got a head like a half-eaten pastie.”

“He wouldn’t go two rounds with a revolving door.”

“Mate, she’s as rough as a pigs breakfast.”

“Your face is like a twisted ugg boot.”

“He’s got a face like a cat licking shit off a thistle.”

“She’s been hit with the ugly stick too many times.”

“She’s two pick handles wide.”

“An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag.”

“As ugly as a bag of spanners.”

“You’ve got a head like a dropped pie.”

“He thinks his shit don’t stink, but his farts give him away.”

“I wish his dad had settled for a blow job.”

“Fell out of the ugly ! tree, and hit every branch on the way down.”

“Your the load your mother should have swallowed”

“If I had a head like yours I’d circumcise it.”

“Wouldn’t know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck chairs.”

“As thick as two short planks!”

“You got a head like a busted watermelon” 

Compliments: 

“Ya bloods worth bottling!”

“He’s True Blue.”

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